We all get them. Spam emails. They drive us crazy, yet some of the titles amuse me. Here are some samples of headlines in actual spam emails I have received lately.
"Am I satisfied with the size of my member?"
Hm. Sorry. Can't help you with that one. Why are you asking me? *scratches head*
"Help me Get out of Debt"
Yeah. Right. I'm in enough hot water in that area myself. Like I'm going to help you.
"You must be the Real Man with Huge Dignity"
Why thank you very much. Mind you, when was the last time you met a man named Heather?
"You Feel up my Senses"
I guess that's a compliment. *shrug*
"We let you be more a man"
Thanks but no thanks. I'm quite happy the way I am - thank you very much
"It is good, when there are experts in what that"
Well, I guess it's obvious there's one thing you're not an expert in: English grammar.
"Be the Most People in Town"
Looks like you and the above spammer need to take the same grammar class.
"They do not want to buy their shops unknown them in stores?"
See above comment.
"Make yourself look really spiny"
And why exactly would I want to do that?
"What is the Church?"
Well, it comes from the Latin eccliesia which simply " a gathering of citizens" or "called out assembly". In other words, no religious context at all. The French word for church is "eglise". Bet you're sorry you asked, aren't you?
"You look stupid in this video heather new. See Yourself."
Damn. How did that video from the office Christmas party get out?
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
RIP Vancouver Canucks
For the second time in three years, the Vancouver Canucks have failed to make the NHL Playoffs. Now the post-mortem ritual of fingerpointing begins. Who gets the blame?
Now, before I begin my rant, I'm going to give you a little background. I grew up on hockey. I grew up watching the Montreal Canadiens during their glory years in the 1970's. To this day, they are my second favourite team. I became a Canucks' fan in approximately 1977; this was during the years that it seemed the only teams they could beat were the Colorado Rockies (now New Jersey Devils) and the Chicago Blackhawks.
For me, the problem seems to lie with management/ownership. After years of mediocrity, the Canucks had coach and GM Pat Quinn in the late 80's/early 90's. He pulled some amazing deals as General Manager. He brought Greg Adams and goalie Kirk McLean in. He gambled on Pavel Bure's draft eligibilty and drafted him. It was a gamble that paid off; after months of legal wranglings, it was determined that Bure was indeed eligible for the NHL draft and Vancouver landed its first legitimate superstar. He was nicknamed the "Russian Rocket". That was just one of Quinn's magic deals.
Then there was the Cliff Ronning/Geoff Courtnall deal that was one of the biggest deals in NHL at the time. It was a ten player deal that brought local boys, Cliff Ronning(Burnaby)and Geoff Courtnall(Victoria), home from St. Louis. They became cornerstones of the team. It was one of Pat Quinn's best ever deals.
Team owner Arthur Griffiths was a "hands off" owner. He gave Quinn free reign to work his magic - and it worked. The Canucks went from a joke to a legitimate contender. In 1992, they won their first playoff round in ten years. In 1993, they repeated that feat, but went out too early in the second round to the Los Angeles Kings.
Then came 1994...
Quinn pulled another amazing trading deadline deal, bringing Jeff Brown and Brett Hedican from the St. Louis Blues. Then came the playoffs: the Canucks were down three games to one in the first round vs. Calgary. They fought back and won games five and six. Game seven was in Calgary. The Canucks were down by a goal with minutes remaining in the game. It looked like their season was over until Greg Adams (another BC boy) tied the game and sent it into overtime. Then, captain Trevor Linden fed the puck to Pavel Bure, who sped down the ice and scored. It was heady.
Next round was Dallas, whom the Canucks dispatched in five games. For the first time in twelve years, the Canucks were in the final four. Next up was the Toronto Maple Leafs. Greg Adams scored the series winner in double overtime in game five, eliminating the Leafs. The city went wild.
Now came the big boys: the New York Rangers. Kirk McLean was amazing in game one, stopping 54 shots. Greg Adams, once again, scored the game winner. The Rangers roared back in games three, four and five. The dream seemed dead - but not yet. The Canucks clawed back to force game seven. Sadly, the only forward that showed up that game was Trevor Linden, who scored the Canucks two goals. The Canucks lost. The Canucks maintained that it was fixed; that Rangers coach, Mike Keenan, phoned NHL Gary Bettman after the Rangers lost game six in Vancouver and screamed about the reffing. It's no coincidence to me that the first two penalties in game seven went against Vancouver, giving the Rangers the advantage, but I'm not going to delve too much into conspiracy theories here.
It was an amazing run, but after that, things went downhill. The first was the lockout. After such an amazing season, it was a slap in the fact to fans. In the abreviated season, the Canucks managed to make the playoffs and win the first round against St. Louis. They were swept the next round by Chicago.
From here on, things got worse. Team onwership changed. Arthur Griffiths brought in family friend, John McCaw, of Seattle. Hindsight says it was a huge mistake. McCaw, who made his billions in the cell phone industry, started interfering; eventually Arthur Griffiths was out completely. Pat Quinn was no longer able to make his amazing deals. For whatever reason, they brought in Mark Messier. I remember thinking at the time that this was a very bad move. As a Canucks fan, I couldn't possibly cheer for this person who robbed us of something from us only three years earlier. (To this day, I've never been able to watch Mark Messier hoist the cup after defeating the Canucks in game seven; it's too painful). The money would have been better spent on Joe Sakic, another local boy, who was a free agent at the time, and would have come a lot cheaper and would have put people in the stands.
Two years later, in the fall of 1997, Pat Quinn was fired. To add insult to injury, ownership brought in Mike Keenan as general manager. That was the day I gave up on the team. I couldn't possibly cheer for them now. The very idea was repulsive. He dismantled the team. Eventually, Keenan was fired (thank goodness) and Messier was gone. Hurrah.
By early 1999, the Canucks replaced Keenan with coach Marc Crawford. I was very happy. Crawford was a former Canuck himself, and had won a Stanley Cup with Colorado in 1996. They brought in a new gm in Brian Burke, who had been assistant gm under Pat Quinn. Burke was a worthy successor and pulled a couple of decent deals. He brought back Trevor Linden, who had been traded away under Keenan, and pulled a deal to land the Sedin twins. Then, ownership decided not to renew Burke's contract as gm. There was another lockout, but this time there was no NHL season.
Last year, the Canucks beat Dallas in the first round of the playoffs, but were bounced by the Anaheim Ducks, who eventually won the cup. This year, the Canucks have stumbled all season. It was only in the last two weeks that things collapsed. With the season on the line, they kept shooting themselves in the skates. They would blow leads of 2-0 to division rivals, ensuring the rapid fall out of the standings. Frankly, if you can't hold a two goal lead this late in the season when you are supposed to be fighing for your playoff lives, you don't deserve to make the playoffs. This happened against Calgary (losing 3-2) and Colorado (losing 4-2). All they had to do was hold those leads, and they would still be in contention. Sadly, something was lacking. Call it leadership, talent, dedication, passion, but something is sorely lacking in this team - and changes have to be made.
Rumours persist that Trevor Linden will announce his retirement after this season. That's a real shame. He deserved to go out better than this; he deserved to end his career with pride. He may not have worn the "C" for years, but he was in all but name, their captain.
I guess I'm off to cheer for Les Habs now. Go, Habs, Go.
Now, before I begin my rant, I'm going to give you a little background. I grew up on hockey. I grew up watching the Montreal Canadiens during their glory years in the 1970's. To this day, they are my second favourite team. I became a Canucks' fan in approximately 1977; this was during the years that it seemed the only teams they could beat were the Colorado Rockies (now New Jersey Devils) and the Chicago Blackhawks.
For me, the problem seems to lie with management/ownership. After years of mediocrity, the Canucks had coach and GM Pat Quinn in the late 80's/early 90's. He pulled some amazing deals as General Manager. He brought Greg Adams and goalie Kirk McLean in. He gambled on Pavel Bure's draft eligibilty and drafted him. It was a gamble that paid off; after months of legal wranglings, it was determined that Bure was indeed eligible for the NHL draft and Vancouver landed its first legitimate superstar. He was nicknamed the "Russian Rocket". That was just one of Quinn's magic deals.
Then there was the Cliff Ronning/Geoff Courtnall deal that was one of the biggest deals in NHL at the time. It was a ten player deal that brought local boys, Cliff Ronning(Burnaby)and Geoff Courtnall(Victoria), home from St. Louis. They became cornerstones of the team. It was one of Pat Quinn's best ever deals.
Team owner Arthur Griffiths was a "hands off" owner. He gave Quinn free reign to work his magic - and it worked. The Canucks went from a joke to a legitimate contender. In 1992, they won their first playoff round in ten years. In 1993, they repeated that feat, but went out too early in the second round to the Los Angeles Kings.
Then came 1994...
Quinn pulled another amazing trading deadline deal, bringing Jeff Brown and Brett Hedican from the St. Louis Blues. Then came the playoffs: the Canucks were down three games to one in the first round vs. Calgary. They fought back and won games five and six. Game seven was in Calgary. The Canucks were down by a goal with minutes remaining in the game. It looked like their season was over until Greg Adams (another BC boy) tied the game and sent it into overtime. Then, captain Trevor Linden fed the puck to Pavel Bure, who sped down the ice and scored. It was heady.
Next round was Dallas, whom the Canucks dispatched in five games. For the first time in twelve years, the Canucks were in the final four. Next up was the Toronto Maple Leafs. Greg Adams scored the series winner in double overtime in game five, eliminating the Leafs. The city went wild.
Now came the big boys: the New York Rangers. Kirk McLean was amazing in game one, stopping 54 shots. Greg Adams, once again, scored the game winner. The Rangers roared back in games three, four and five. The dream seemed dead - but not yet. The Canucks clawed back to force game seven. Sadly, the only forward that showed up that game was Trevor Linden, who scored the Canucks two goals. The Canucks lost. The Canucks maintained that it was fixed; that Rangers coach, Mike Keenan, phoned NHL Gary Bettman after the Rangers lost game six in Vancouver and screamed about the reffing. It's no coincidence to me that the first two penalties in game seven went against Vancouver, giving the Rangers the advantage, but I'm not going to delve too much into conspiracy theories here.
It was an amazing run, but after that, things went downhill. The first was the lockout. After such an amazing season, it was a slap in the fact to fans. In the abreviated season, the Canucks managed to make the playoffs and win the first round against St. Louis. They were swept the next round by Chicago.
From here on, things got worse. Team onwership changed. Arthur Griffiths brought in family friend, John McCaw, of Seattle. Hindsight says it was a huge mistake. McCaw, who made his billions in the cell phone industry, started interfering; eventually Arthur Griffiths was out completely. Pat Quinn was no longer able to make his amazing deals. For whatever reason, they brought in Mark Messier. I remember thinking at the time that this was a very bad move. As a Canucks fan, I couldn't possibly cheer for this person who robbed us of something from us only three years earlier. (To this day, I've never been able to watch Mark Messier hoist the cup after defeating the Canucks in game seven; it's too painful). The money would have been better spent on Joe Sakic, another local boy, who was a free agent at the time, and would have come a lot cheaper and would have put people in the stands.
Two years later, in the fall of 1997, Pat Quinn was fired. To add insult to injury, ownership brought in Mike Keenan as general manager. That was the day I gave up on the team. I couldn't possibly cheer for them now. The very idea was repulsive. He dismantled the team. Eventually, Keenan was fired (thank goodness) and Messier was gone. Hurrah.
By early 1999, the Canucks replaced Keenan with coach Marc Crawford. I was very happy. Crawford was a former Canuck himself, and had won a Stanley Cup with Colorado in 1996. They brought in a new gm in Brian Burke, who had been assistant gm under Pat Quinn. Burke was a worthy successor and pulled a couple of decent deals. He brought back Trevor Linden, who had been traded away under Keenan, and pulled a deal to land the Sedin twins. Then, ownership decided not to renew Burke's contract as gm. There was another lockout, but this time there was no NHL season.
Last year, the Canucks beat Dallas in the first round of the playoffs, but were bounced by the Anaheim Ducks, who eventually won the cup. This year, the Canucks have stumbled all season. It was only in the last two weeks that things collapsed. With the season on the line, they kept shooting themselves in the skates. They would blow leads of 2-0 to division rivals, ensuring the rapid fall out of the standings. Frankly, if you can't hold a two goal lead this late in the season when you are supposed to be fighing for your playoff lives, you don't deserve to make the playoffs. This happened against Calgary (losing 3-2) and Colorado (losing 4-2). All they had to do was hold those leads, and they would still be in contention. Sadly, something was lacking. Call it leadership, talent, dedication, passion, but something is sorely lacking in this team - and changes have to be made.
Rumours persist that Trevor Linden will announce his retirement after this season. That's a real shame. He deserved to go out better than this; he deserved to end his career with pride. He may not have worn the "C" for years, but he was in all but name, their captain.
I guess I'm off to cheer for Les Habs now. Go, Habs, Go.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Auntie Peggy
Fifteen years ago today, my world was rocked. Fifteen years ago today, the only grandmother figure I ever really knew passed away. I called her "Auntie" Peggy. Her parents were neighbours of my (maternal) grandparents in my ancestral home town in Scotland.
When my parents immigrated to Canada, it was Auntie Peggy and Uncle Ben they stayed with until they found a place of their own. We lived only a five minute walk from them and we were constantly in each other's homes. They were at our house for Christmas dinner every year and they seemed to see it as their duty to spoil me - as they didn't grandchildren yet and their kids were grown. In 1977, I was flowergirl in their son's wedding. When my Mom took sick in 1978 and was in hospital for weeks, it was Uncle Ben who was always there to pick me up from school every day and take me back to their place where they would have dinner for Dad and me. Uncle Ben lost his battle with cancer in 1989.
Everyone needs an Auntie Peggy in their lives. I remember once going to visit her one evening after a breakup with a beau and she said, "What's wrong wi' ya, lass? I dinna lak to see ya lak that." Sometimes I wonder what I would give to hear her say those words again. She had a great sense of humour. It was priceless to watch hockey with her. She literally nagged the Canucks on. She would say things like, "Ach, you're useless. Get off the ice." and wave her hand dismissively at the t.v. Just a few months before she died, some pianists came to visit our church. She leaned over to me and whispered, "What's wrong wi' us? Why can't we play lak that? We have ten fingers, don't we?" I had to stifle the giggles.
She went quickly and unexpectedly. She had a heart attack on April 1st and was gone by the next morning. She didn't even give us a chance to say good-bye. Perhaps that's best, as I will always remember her the way she would have wanted: vibrant, warm, funny and full of life.
The next night, a Saturday, I was at a Michael W. Smith concert with a friend. If you know him, his signature song is "Friends" a song that became an anthem to a generation of Christian young people. As he sang it, tears streamed down my face. To this day, I always associate the song with her - even though she probably never, ever heard it.
I've got it softly playing in the background as I type this post, and I can feel tears trickle down. I give you "Friends" words and music by Michael W. Smith and Deborah D. Smith.
Rest in peace, Auntie Peggy. I still miss you
When my parents immigrated to Canada, it was Auntie Peggy and Uncle Ben they stayed with until they found a place of their own. We lived only a five minute walk from them and we were constantly in each other's homes. They were at our house for Christmas dinner every year and they seemed to see it as their duty to spoil me - as they didn't grandchildren yet and their kids were grown. In 1977, I was flowergirl in their son's wedding. When my Mom took sick in 1978 and was in hospital for weeks, it was Uncle Ben who was always there to pick me up from school every day and take me back to their place where they would have dinner for Dad and me. Uncle Ben lost his battle with cancer in 1989.
Everyone needs an Auntie Peggy in their lives. I remember once going to visit her one evening after a breakup with a beau and she said, "What's wrong wi' ya, lass? I dinna lak to see ya lak that." Sometimes I wonder what I would give to hear her say those words again. She had a great sense of humour. It was priceless to watch hockey with her. She literally nagged the Canucks on. She would say things like, "Ach, you're useless. Get off the ice." and wave her hand dismissively at the t.v. Just a few months before she died, some pianists came to visit our church. She leaned over to me and whispered, "What's wrong wi' us? Why can't we play lak that? We have ten fingers, don't we?" I had to stifle the giggles.
She went quickly and unexpectedly. She had a heart attack on April 1st and was gone by the next morning. She didn't even give us a chance to say good-bye. Perhaps that's best, as I will always remember her the way she would have wanted: vibrant, warm, funny and full of life.
The next night, a Saturday, I was at a Michael W. Smith concert with a friend. If you know him, his signature song is "Friends" a song that became an anthem to a generation of Christian young people. As he sang it, tears streamed down my face. To this day, I always associate the song with her - even though she probably never, ever heard it.
I've got it softly playing in the background as I type this post, and I can feel tears trickle down. I give you "Friends" words and music by Michael W. Smith and Deborah D. Smith.
Packing up the dreams God planted in the fertile soil of you
Can't believe the hopes He's grantedmeans a chapter in your life is through
But we'll keep you close as always;it won't even seem you've gone
'cause our hearts in big and small wayswill keep the love that keeps us strong.
Chorus:
And friends are friends foreverif the Lord's the lord of them
And a friend will not say never'cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you go,in the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
With the faith and love God's givenspringing from the hope we know
We will pray the joy you live in is the strength that now you show
But we'll keep you close as always;it won't even seem you've gone
'cause our hearts in big and small ways will keep the love that keeps us strong
Chorus:
(twice)
And friends are friends foreverif the Lord's the lord of them
And a friend will not say never'cause the welcome will not end
Though it's hard to let you goin the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends
And friends are friends foreverif the Lord's the lord of them
And a friend will not say never'cause the welcome will not endin the Father's hands we know
Though it's hard to let you go
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends
No, a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
Rest in peace, Auntie Peggy. I still miss you
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